Today let’s talk about LOVE. We all have heard of this word and almost all of us claim that we have experienced it in our lives once or more than once. However, the thing that you feel about someone is actually called Love or not. When you saw a person and feel something in your stomach or skip a heartbeat, does it call Love? I am going to discuss in this column about different misconceptions about love we have now days. I am 25 years old and if you ask me that if I have ever been in Love, so what would you think my answer going to be. You all think that of course yes but no. I don’t think that I ever truly been in love with someone. What people call loving today it isn’t love at all. There are so many factors that differentiate Loving from infatuation.
This seems to me very wrong when a person said to someone that he/she is in love with that person or say I Love You even not knowing what does it means. It is equal to a lie or manipulation. Today, loving someone is more like possession. People do not know the meaning of it and still saying I Love You to each other because it sounds good or so convenient to say to someone. This is the most misused phrase in the world. People misperceive it from others feelings like infatuation. When you don’t know the meaning of something how could you tell that you feel that thing. We are not just lying to others but we are also not being honest with ourselves.
When you say I Love You without know the meaning behind that you are destroying other person’s life as well as yours. Loving someone is not bad thing but think for a second and make sure that what you feel is actually love. If you are interested to know the difference between love and other feelings you misperceive as love, than keep reading.
Love VS Infatuation
What we feel and named it love is not love but more like is infatuation. When we saw a person and we have butterflies in our stomach, skip a heartbeat, feeling breathless and we call it love. But this isn’t love. You feel all these things when you saw an attractive, charming, rich, and more confident person you may feel all these things I mentioned above. Moreover, you feel these things again when you saw another good looking and handsome person. If you go with these feelings and said I Love You to someone this is totally wrong because after sometime these all feelings faded away and then there will no reason left behind to love that person.
Love is when you know all the good and bad sides of a person and still wanted to be with that person with all your heart and soul. When, you are not just attracted to someone by their desirable traits. Loving someone is all about understanding and commitments. You wanted to be with that person for your whole life and according to our culture or religious perspective you wanted to marry that person you love.
Love is when you want to be with a particular person will all his/her ups and down, support his/her in every single thing, don’t want to change that person, don’t want to control him/her. Love is more like strong affection toward a person without any lusty and sexual desire, because that is infatuation. You feel confident, emotionally attached and respectful when you are around the person you are in love with. Love is not about pounding hearts and sweaty palms but it brings calmness in your life.
Leads toward Possession
When you are not in love but infatuated with a person it leads you toward possession. You start to feel like you possessed that person like an object. The possession is more like an addiction and is more like a trading relationship. In possession you want full control over other person. You want that person to fulfill your requirements, live on your conditions, makes you happy. In possession you want other person to obey you; you want to be always a step ahead from other person and be superior.
On the other hand, love is more like a team effort. Both persons put their 100% into their loving relationship. Love is full commitment not like 50/50 from each person. it is more like a spiritual thing and possession is totally physical. What we are doing now days is possession not love. The simple difference between possession and love is when you see a beautiful flower and pick it that’s what we call possession. However, if you see a beautiful flower regularly water it and take care of it to grow more that’s what we call love.
Love isn’t Effortless
Another misconception about love is that it is effortless and we just have to fall in love once and that’s all. When we fall in love with someone and we realize that it is a true love not an infatuation then we think that now we don’t have to do something. Even true love does not remain the same forever. It also wants attention, efforts and to be fed with good deeds. You have to do some efforts on daily bases to sustain that beautiful relationship.
There is no example for Allah (SWT) but I still mentioned that, as a Muslim we also make efforts to make a strong and healthy relationship with Allah. When we make efforts to get close to Allah your relationship get stronger and if you lack or being lethargic your relationship with Him gets weaker. All relationships work on the give and take rule. We have to put daily dose of understanding, forgiveness, and attention to our loving relationship. Don’t just say those empty words but do some actions that will grow your relationship forever.
To stay in love forever you have to choose it and put it first every single day. Don’t just throw it away when you are broken. Try to fix things and your relationship will last longer than you can imagine.
Source of Happiness
As we are in a loving relationship we think that our partner is a source of our happiness. He/she is the one who make us happy or responsible for our happiness. This is a very dangerous misconception about it. This leads us toward the thinking that our partner must make sure of that we are happy because we are truly in love with them. This makes you so obsessed with your partner and you are afraid of losing him/her. In order to not losing your source of happiness will leads you to do things that will discourage your partner.
If your thinking is that it’s your partner’s responsibility to make you happy then you get upset more often with your partner’s behavior and actions. You will never be happy and always expect more from your partner. You will never able to enjoy your life with others if you attach your happiness with your partner.
The healthy relationship is when you and your partner both happy on your own. The presence of each other only enhances that happiness and give you comfort. You are happy even when your partner is not around you for a while or busy into some work. You don’t need your partner all the time to be happy.
Your Partner will Change
The first thing is if you want that the other person that you think you are in love with make changes in his/her behavior or attitude then you are not truly in love with this person. The true love is when you accept the other person with all his flaws, weaknesses and as it is as they are. However, the second thing is, this is a very common misconception that our partner will change after marriage or when you are engage or committed into the relationship. No, you are wrong. No one ever change. Your partner makes some efforts and adjustments for healthy relationship but he/she will never completely change.
Seeking Perfection in Love
This is a real problem when a person seeks perfection into his/her partner. People spend years to find a person who is perfect and have features of soul-mate. But the reality is that there is no one who is perfect. No matter how good a person’s behavior is, no matter how much a person is religious and no matter how successful a person is. Everyone has their weaknesses and flaws. There is not a single person on the face of earth who doesn’t make mistakes, who doesn’t have some issues or have some shortcomings. You are never going to find a person who is perfect.
Another consequence of seeking perfection is when you have strong believe that your partner is perfect it will let down so quickly. Because after sometime you start to notice that your partner also has some issues and makes mistakes. This will affect your relationship badly.
Myth about Soul-Mates
This is absolutely a myth that there is someone in the world who is your soul-mate. There is no such thing as a soul-mate. If you take this phrase in a sense that Allah (SWT) has made someone for you and he/she will destined to marry you then you are right. But thinking like that a person whose frequency matches with you, who think exactly the same way as you, who knows everything you need, who brings you flower exactly when you want and you both are on the same wavelength. Then my dear fellow you are wrong. There is no one as same as you. There are always some differences and disagreements between you and your partner.
If you are in love with someone make sure that your love is true. Be honest with yourself as well as your partner. Make efforts for your relationship to be strong, healthy and growing. Try to make your love life brand new every day by putting little efforts. And the last thing, only say I Love You to those you really think that they are meant something to you.
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