Divorce is commonly known as separation of a couple, the husband and wife get separated from each other legally. The couple will be no more together. Now both individuals are allowed to marry again to anyone and start a new life. They can even enjoy their life being single if they want. They got freedom from a bond which kept them together.
It’s really not easy to accept this change in someone’s life. It takes time for both the husband and wife to get themselves stable after such a traumatic change in their lives. Nowadays the ratio of divorce is getting higher day by day, and people are preferring to be single rather than marry someone.
When it comes to the family of two individuals, who get separated from each other, it’s a tough time for them as well. If we talk about children of a divorced couple, then they are the actual victims.
Children need both their parents through every thick and thin of their life. But when the parents decide to live separately then their kids have to suffer a lot. Children pass through many transitions after divorce of their parents, and these transitions vary according to their age and situations.
There could be many reasons of divorce, I would try to sum up a few very common reasons of divorce.
Infidelity and Lack of Sincerity
Cheating is something which is unbearable in any relationship, when we talk about the relationship between a husband and wife then trust is like the foundation of a building. Being unfaithful or having an extramarital affair is like violating the trust and emotional connection with your partner, and this is really unbearable at any cost by anyone. Partners must be sincere and loyal to each other, loyalty is the key of success in any relationship.
The Austin Institute claims infidelity as the number one reason of divorce. Current research says that both the men and women are equally likely to cheat each other. According to American
Psychological Association(APA), infidelity accounted for 20-40% of divorces. The APA also cited that 42% of divorced individuals reported more than one affair.
Lack of Communication
Communication has the power to change opinion about a person or anything. A healthy argument always helps to get a good solution to problems. Lack of communication or not having healthy arguments leads the marriages to divorce. If one spouse stops talking or does not show interest in any conversation with another spouse, then it roots misunderstandings between them.
Couples get emotionally distant from each other due to lack of communication. They start assuming wrong situations and their wrong results about each other. No communication means you are not mentally and emotionally ready or agree for any compromise for your partner. Drawing away from your spouse in thought and actions due to lack of communication can be damaging for a marriage. The marriage becomes stagnant and finally gets track towards divorce. The website YourTango.com asked about 100 mental health experts to identify factors that commonly lead to divorce, 65% of them said that communication problems are at the top of their list.
Having Unrealistic Expectations
Unrealistic expectations lead the relationship to sadness, anxiety and then finally towards depression. “Falling in love is often called a temporary psychosis for the very reason that when you are ‘head over heels’ in love with another person, you are often blinded to some of their differences and quirks,” said Power, founder of Clinton Power + Associates in Sydney, Australia.
Unrealistic expectations can ruin a relationship because unrealistic expectations create disappointment and that is really unhealthy for a relationship. When we have some expectations from our spouse before marriage we want to mark that check list in our mind, but when the person does not meet our expectations then the problem begins. In 2005, the National Fatherhood Initiative published a report on a national survey they conducted on Marriage in America, about 45% of divorces are due to unrealistic expectations.
Couples usually expect a lot from each other, although they can not meet all of their expectations but those who understand this and move on get a happy marriage life but those who stick themselves on their unrealistic expectations they hurt themselves and failure of relationship becomes their final destination.
“Unfortunately, this can cause frivolous fights between two people who have completely opposite views toward money, ” Andrea Woroch.
If a couple does not have the same opinion about saving and spending money then it would be unhealthy for their relationship. The one who believes in saving money, would save a single penny and the other one being opposite will not think before spending.
This type of mismatch creates misunderstandings and gets couples on the path of divorce. According to surveys and recent research money problem is on second number as a reason of divorce, as money and stress go hand in hand.
Mismatched financial prioritise is the root of all money related problems faced by a couple after marriage. If one partner is planning to buy a car for them and the other one is planning to have a luxurious trip then even right things sound wrong.
Changes in Physical Appearance
Physical attraction is natural. When we choose someone to be our life partner we unconsciously sketch an image of that person. Physical appearance as a reason of divorce sounds unfair and unethical but it’s a fact that people get divorced due to change in physical appearances of their spouse.
Weight gain is a major issue among young people, and it grounds for divorce. People need or want attractive partners and weight gain or other changes in looks is completely a turn off.
Changes in your looks can cause lack of intimacy and hurts someone’s self esteem. Confidence and comfort level get lower due to changes in looks between spouses and take a way as a reason of divorce.
Lack of Intimacy
Technically, a sexless relationship is defined as when a couple has sex less than once a month or less than 10 times a year, says Dr. Epstein. The most common divorce factors are still infidelity, emotional, physical or substance abuse and the incompatibility of spouses. Lack of intimacy is a sign for divorce, because in this way couples do not get much attraction towards each other.
When there is no sex in marriage, and one person wants it, there are usually many more underlying problems. If your relationship is facing a lack of intimacy then you should not bury your head in sand, do something to bring colors back in your life. Lack of intimacy or sex as a reason of divorce sounds trivial but it can not be ignored.
Abuse is one of the bigger challenges to the viability of your marriage and is more likely to lead to divorce. Abuse can be physical, verbal, emotional or economic in a relationship. According to surveys about 34.6% of divorces are due to substance abuse and 23.5% are due to domestic violence. Many marriages end when women become fed up with men behaving badly.
Emotional abuse does not leave visible scars and wounds, but it is more hurtful than physical violence. Emotional abuse includes verbal threats of humiliation or to shame your spouse in front of family and friends. It’s the most common reason of divorce nowadays. People who are emotionally hurt are more sensitive and have more pain then broken bones. Financial or economic abuse is like not fulfilling your spouse’s basic economic needs. This type of abuse varies from situation to situation. It’s a touchy issue in which the abuser and victim both try to maintain their marriage for a long time but finally get divorced.
Jealousy and Insecurity
Jealousy is an ugly and unhealthy natural emotion. Insecurity and jealousy is mental uneasiness due to fear of unfaithfulness of your partner. Individuals who are insecure and anxious, or have fear of anything, experience more jealousy than people who are personally secure. It is generally referred to as a green headed monster. Jealousy in a relationship gets unhealthy when it becomes insecurity of a person. Married couples get easily jealous of each other due to fear of infidelity or inequality in both the spouses. Lack of communication is also a root of jealousy, when partners do not discuss their problems then things become more dangerous and bitter.
In a marriage jealousy and insecurity leads to divorce or destructive dumbest of a happy life.
Addicts show some changed behaviour at certain times which is unbearable and even dangerous for their spouse. Divorcing an addicted spouse is not easy, it’s more painful and stressful. In most cases of addiction marriages lead to divorces when one spouse refuses to rehab himself. Having children from an addicted spouse is also challenging and a major reason of divorce because an addicted parent can not fulfill his responsibilities properly.
In a spate of recent articles, actor Brad Pitt has blamed his alcohol use for the demise of his marriage to Angelina Jolie. Alcoholism is a contributing factor in most of the domestic abuse and violence which grounds for divorce. The director and lead author of the study, Kenneth Leonard, PhD says, “This research provides solid evidence to bolster the commonplace notion that heavy drinking by one partner can lead to divorce.”
Lack of Equality
In a marriage equality of both spouses in every matter is very important. When it comes to the gender then women are considered victims of inequality in most cases. Women complain about the non cooperative behaviour of their husbands, they even do not pull their weight around the house. Due to this lack of equality and carelessness marriages lead to divorces. “It could reflect a lack of investment in the relationship on the husband’s part; they might believe it’s unnecessary to change or adjust their behavior,” speculates Dr. Kira Birditt of University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research.
In the past when women were financially dependent on men they were hesitant in taking divorce from their spouse but from the twentieth century women are financially strong and feel less hesitant to get separation. Working women are more dedicated as they manage both their work and family at the same time. There are many couples who try to manage and contribute to each other’s work, and a balanced relationship is maintained.
Having similar interests and exploring them together is essential for a successful marriage. When we select someone as our life partner we make sure that person is perfect for us. If we are in deep love with a person at that time if we noticed something uncomfortable in our partner we just shrugged off that. With the passage of time when things or situations get stiff then it strains the marriage. Similar priorities of spouses are very important like having children or planning for a career are two opposite things, as a couple these things are very sensitive and choosing one thing over another is not easy all the time.
Different situations bring different challenges for couples and maintaining one’s promises and priorities with his spouse is very important for a happy marriage. If someone does not try or match priorities and interests of his or her spouse then their relationship shows signs of separation.
Interference of Parents in Married Life
When parents try to set some boundaries and guidelines for their kids after marriage that creates problems most of the time. Two people who start a new life have their own plans but interference from parents does not let them live freely. Parents think that they can make better decisions from their experiences but they do not do so. Interference of parents in the married life of children is actually a step towards destroying their personal life. Continuous interference and disturbance ruin the relationship of spouses and grounds for divorce.
Parents can not live your married life because one has to deal with his spouse’s anger, moods and all differences that they have. When you deal with your spouse by yourself then you learn to handle him but parents exaggerate minor things and lead their own children towards separation.
Married for Parents not for Love
To fall in love with someone is magical, especially when that one will be your life partner. Sometimes situations are so difficult to make a decision that you surrender your happiness for the happiness of your loved ones. It happens in our lives when we leave or accept something for the happiness of our parents. In our country Pakistan, arranged marriages are very common, parents select spouses for their children and predict the bright future for them.
It’s not compulsory that every time your parents would make the right decision for you they could choose a wrong way for their kids. What happens in the case of arranged marriages? Parents do not prefer likings or dislikings of children while choosing their life partner but they prefer their own likings and dislikings. Mismatched marriage creates misunderstandings and uncontrollable situations between two people which finally take the way to divorce. Wrong decisions of parents ruin the life of their kids.
Married at A Young Age
Many couples blame their marriage at a young age as a reason for their divorce. According to researchers, marrying at a young age is not helpful for two individuals as they cannot take all decisions wisely about their relationship. They do not take things seriously and hurt each other unconsciously. If both spouses are young then they take childish decisions and divorce is one of them.
Healthy arguments and conflicts are normal in a happy married life. Things get unpleasant when conflicts become unbearable and no one finds a solution for them. In a marriage compatibility is very important, when one spouse thinks the other is not compatible with him then he tries to get rid of that fake relationship.
Control Struggles in a relationship
A thirst for control can deteriorate a relationship beyond repair. If one spouse has a bossy nature and always dictates the other spouse about everything then a relationship gets suffocated. Your spouse is your partner not someone who should always obey you. Isolating your spouse or telling him how to behave with others are very little details that can ruin a relationship easily.
People get divorced from each other even if they had a great love for each in the beginning just because of the uncomfortable behaviour of their spouse.
Long distance relationship
The long distance relationship is always painful. Both partners suffer from some unsaid emotions and moments. When two people tie knot with each other they have some dreams, but distance becomes their biggest enemy, it destroys the charm of a relationship.
Sometimes misunderstandings due to distance penetrate unforgettable pains and memories in your mind which hurt you every time you recall that memory and this weaken your relationship. Not attending the call or replying to the message late are like the biggest problems, it can ruin the happiness of one who is excited about something but the other one is completely unaware of that. Very little things hurt, and ruin the relationship of a husband and wife.When you live together as a partner and stand with every thick and thin then your relationship becomes more powerful. Long distance relationship is really not easy to deal with, it often ends in separation, with fault of no one but inner pain of both spouses.
As we all agree that healthy arguments are good for any relationship but arguing too much is useless. Having an argument with your spouse is not wrong but when you stretch little things without no reason then constant argument becomes a reason of divorce. Sometimes couples feel that they are not getting enough attention or importance so they keep on arguing on useless things. Their constant arguments create misunderstandings and do not let things be solved.
Not being prepared for marriage
A very common mistake done by people is getting married even if they are not ready for that. In some cases people got married due parents pressure, peer pressure or due to norms and values set by their society. Now when someone is not mentally, physically, emotionally or financially ready to start a completely new life full of new challenges then it’s unjust for him and his spouse to tie a knot. If someone set a goal of achieving something and marriage becomes a hurdle in his way then for sure he will find a way to get rid of this relationship. One immature decision taken by a person for himself or by his parents can ruin his life.
You are not what you were
Choosing someone as your life partner is amazing, when we choose someone to be a part of our life some qualities attract us towards him. After marriage when one spouse finds something missing or changed in another spouse then he gets less attracted. These changes are not physical but emotional like losing heart to heart connection with your spouse. If your partner cannot listen to the voice of your soul or a noise hidden behind your silence then you feel less connected. This emotional disconnectivity is a cause of divorce in many cases.
Different Parenting Styles
Children are the most important and powerful bond between husband and wife. Parents bring up their kids together and guide them every time when it’s needed. If both parents have set similar goals for their kids then it’s helpful to raise their kids. Sometimes parents do not have similarities in their parenting styles in fact they are completely changed from each other.
One parent is very sensitive and touchy about kids, and sacrifices all his happiness for kids but the other one shows carelessness towards his responsibilities, this mismatched parenting style leads them to divorce.
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