Arguments; the competition of proving the other person wrong, are rightly said “fatal”! In this race of proving the other one wrong we sometimes lose our precious relations, trust and empathies in the hearts.
The Statistic Of Arguments!
Couples argue 312 times a year. That’s 26 a month and about roughly 7 times a day. The most common day is Thursday. The most common time? 08:00 PM. That’s when they both get back from work. And she says? how’s was your day? and he says, I don’t want to talk about it. And then, she takes it personally and he forgot to make dinner. So, now they are both losing and there won’t be a winner. Because when you are fighting, The living room turns into a boxing ring. The gloves come on, The light comes on and our common sense goes off. Good analogy? Its a different kind of match now.
Rather than a compatibility test, It’s a battle at best. And what changed? Romantic date nights turned into frantic late fights. Walks on the beach turned into heated talks in the street. Candlelight meals turn into a fight about shopping deals.
Arguments Are the Worst Form Of Communication.
The most common things we argue about is money, home and time. 70% of couples argued about money than anything else. 22% of us hide our purchases from our partners. Its’s not a message you will find on Valentine’s card, But research shows that couples who know how to fight are more likely to stay together. It’s not about how we date, it’s also about how we communicate.
Impact On Children.
The irony is that while argument to we do not listen the other to understand but to reply. These arguments often lead to separation, breaking homes and making the member’s soul discontent. It has been found that children who grew up in homes with high levels of conflict ended up with more physical, emotional and social challenges later on in life. A study by the University of York found that the child of divorced parents is more damaged by the arguments that occur during the marriage and then by the split itself. Witnessing fights at home means that they are 30% more likely to develop behavioral issues compared to other kids. Ongoing conflicts between parents can affect a child’s mental health. The development of their social and emotional skills, academic attainments and most importantly, their future relationships.
We may not be able to avoid fighting but we can avoid dragging children into the fight. At least we can avoid force them to choose. We can avoid forcing them to take sides. Or we can avoid forcing them to become a part of our anger or aggression. When we recognize the consequences of our actions on our child’s life, not just the next year, not just the next year but potentially decades. We can start to become more conscious of the way we behave around them. When children see parents lead with empathy, act with compassion and see them recognizing that they are on the same team that can be a complete shift in a child’s future experiences. Children don’t do as you say, They do as you do.
The Way Out.
Understand, communicate, pay attention, presence, listen. We are all heard about love languages, but let me tell you about the fight languages: We all fight differently. Some Of us like to go quiet because we need time to focus. Whether some of us need to talk it out because we think it the only process. Some of us need to vent and complain and some of us need to feel heard through the pain. What you need and what your partner need may be different. In fact, the difference in need of both actually survive. Just because you need to talk and they go quiet does not mean they don’t care or want the same care.
Don’t expect your partner to fix you. Find someone who will be there while you fix yourself. But here is a thing we get wrong, remember that when you are fighting, It’s not you against each other, It’s both of you against the problem. If you win they lose, you both lose. If you lose and they win, you both lose. The only way you win is to win together.
Prepare Yourself For The Life Ahead!
Do not say something mean when you don’t really mean it. Prevent yourself from making a permanent prediction based on a temporary emotion. In the heat of a moment, you can burn down a happy home. Now, the interesting thing is a football player, a basketball player doesn’t prepare for a game at the game. They don’t prepare for a challenge when they are in it. They prepare when the pressure is off. When things are good, we make the mistake to take it easy and get complacent and lazy instead of focussing and growing. Decide how you want to fight when you are not fighting. Set intentions and boundaries when you are not arguing. Make agreements and bonds when you are not battling. Don’t wait for things to get bad to start working hard. Work hard when things are good and they will never get bad.
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