While it’s true that many online dating sites have produced their fair share of successful relationships and marriages. More and more women are now finding the matching process to be more of a TURN OFF than a turn-on.
“Most guys that I’ve encountered rarely take the time to get to know someone before they’re ready to jump in bed with them.” Says Nicole Cortese of New Jersey, who’s tried to find love on several dating sites.
Catherine Cook, co-founder & vice president of brand strategy for the social networking app MeetMe, says traditional dating sites are “broken” for a number of reasons. “The main problem with many dating sites is they don’t offer members the option of forming friendships first,” Cook says. She’s found that dating sites tend to push members towards entering a relationship when many women would rather develop a friendship before taking things to the next level.
“When we asked our members if they want to be friends first before they start dating. 89 percent of them said yes.”
Many women, like Cortese, also feel that intimate messages sent through online dating sites can be too much too soon. When looking for a potential partner, it’s important you get to know the other person before jumping into anything. Those who become friends first will have a stronger foundation for a relationship, Cook says.
Cost
Subscription dating services might have the best matching system in the world. But they often get passed over by people who can’t or don’t want to pay the membership fee, Cook says. “Think of a subscription dating service as a singles bar with a cover charge versus the neighborhood bar next door. More people will go into the neighborhood bar (because) it’s free and inclusive. The neighborhood bar does not drive people out, but the singles bar does. Because only a small subset of people will pay. What this means is that a free service will ultimately have more people to choose from. And a better profile density, so it will be easier and more fun to find a match who you like. Being inclusive ultimately means better and more matches.”
Cook also believes that the likes, dislikes, and detailed profiles dating sites are known for don’t ultimately predict chemistry when meeting in-person—making the matching system less effective.
Claire and Wiegers also recommend meeting in-person, but in a public venue, because not everyone’s profile provides an accurate portrayal. Another reason dating sites can be considered broken is that when it comes to profiles, “it’s hard to know what’s real and what’s not. It’s common knowledge that most people lie about their age, (and) many lie about their weight, social status, and financial standing. Some post pictures that have been long out of date. Spending time emailing someone like that only to be disappointed at the time of the physical meeting can be devastating,” Claire says, adding that sometimes, “Even after weeks of emailing, there is no way to tell if the person on the other end is what they say they are.”
There’s Too Much Pressure
Cook says that people who use dating sites often feel pressured to find a date or enter into a relationship quickly. “Going on a dating site is like going to a singles bar—the pressure is on,” she says.
Many dating sites promote a shopping mentality that “can make daters too picky and judgmental,” Cook says. Dating services that focus too much on the profile encourages users to compare different profiles just as they would compare two articles of clothing they’re considering buying. This removes the serendipity and fun in relationships, and it’s hard to assess the spark you’ll have with another person from their description online. To see if you have chemistry with someone and if that spark is there, you need to be able to talk with them.”
Claire and Wiegers can relate. “We…are the case book reason why online dating sites don’t work,” Claire says. “We were both on the same matchmaking site and looked at each other’s profiles. And rejected each other for different reasons. When we actually met a few months later. The attraction was immediate and we’ve been together for the ten years since then.”
In order to meet the needs of consumers, Cook feels dating sites and/or apps should be free. And focus more on helping members meet new people instead of pushing them to enter into relationships.
Consumers also need to have a strong sense of who they are before they begin looking for a life partner. Regardless of whether that search is done online. “There is a whole technology around dating that involves knowing who you are, who you want. And what their desirable and undesirable characteristics might be. There is a science to scouting, screening, sorting, and testing that can make the dating experience more rewarding,” Claire says.
