It has been said that people that feel the need to control others, don’t have control over themselves. When someone tries to control a relationship that is not a sign of their confidence. It’s a sign of their concerns. The sign of their insecurities, their doubts, and their uncertainty. There is no excuse for being controlling in relationships, but there are reasons. Often hidden ones that are not obvious to us all. Sometimes it can be our parenting. When we don’t experience security and safety at home, we project that outward as well. When we struggle to trust our parents we struggle to trust our partners.
We see that all the time. If our parents let us down in a particular way. We predict our partner will do the same or we attract the same energy into our lives. Sometimes it can be our work environment. When we are not able to control things at work, we try to control things at home. We all need and want to have a sense of control and when that is not self-control, It becomes about controlling others. We see it all the time. People demand power at home because they don’t command it at work.
Sometimes, it’s because we did not try to control a situation and it did not go in our favor. Maybe we have been cheated on, hurt and taken advantage of. And so that makes us insecure, more control seeking and paranoid. We think this time if we control everything that’s what will mean it will work out. Some people just want to take advantage of you and that’s their disadvantage. You don’t need to lower yourself to that level. It’s so difficult to find the right balance between confidence, control, trust and traps
Trust; The Fundamental Element!
Control comes from a lack of trust and value in ourselves. We overthink things because we undervalue ourselves. That is why before trying to control a situation, It’s important we gain self-awareness and self-control. By evaluating where our insecurities come from and healing that pain. When we heal the pain we experience before we can truly move forward. We truly have to get to know ourselves. We will continue to try and control until we have consciously looked at ourselves.
Do We Trust Ourselves?
We can’t connect with others if we don’t connect with ourselves first. It’s so important that we express to our partners and friends what the source of our controlling nature is? Then everyone else can understand why and they understand that you are in a process and then they have context. Having that tough conversation and unpacking it to them, It might be difficult at first but it gives them an opportunity to reflect.
Your desire to control is not a good or a bad thing. We should not want to control anyone else we should not just be oblivious to them. When we want to control something, you will find every excuse to blame it on the other person. But we have to reflect and realize it starts with us. Start by controlling yourself and you won’t want to control anyone else.
We think ” space ” means someone wants to move further away from us. But sometimes we have to move further away to become truly close. When we are too close to something we lose perspective. It’s like too close to a building or a mountain. We can truly appreciate, understand or even comprehend over it. When we move away we gain more insight.
When you force someone to stay close when they want space you actually end up pushing them away. Space gives us time and energy to reflect and re-think what we truly want. When someone says and tells us the wanted space it’s natural for us to feel scared. But we have to realize it means we will get the most honest and authentic them. Space and stillness allow them and us to access our inner truth. It allows us to recognize what we are grateful for and see things what they truly are. I need some space does not mean “I don’t love you”. It means “I need some space.” Space to find and explore, to look for clarity.
Proximity can bring you close but distance can often bring you closer.
Emotional Abuse Should Be Control!
There are wounds that never appear on the body that hurts more than anything that bleeds. Emotional abuse is as bad as physical abuse if not worse. Just because a person doesn’t put their hands on you doesn’t mean they are not abusive. Abuse is control. It’s disrespectful, internal pain. Don’t settle for emotional abuse thinking it’s OK just because it’s not physical. If you are afraid of your partner when they are angry if you are afraid of how they will react if you disrespect them if you are afraid of what their response or reaction will be to you doing something or showing your interest in something you are already experiencing this.
The Desire To Be Loved Should Be Control!
Sometimes we want to be loved so badly that we can’t even tell that it does not love. And if the wounds on people’s hearts and the bruises on the soul were translated onto their skin we would not even recognize them. Being alone may scare you but being in a bad relationship will scar you. You don’t let go of a bad relationship because you stop caring about them, you let go because you started caring about yourself. It’s better to break your own heart by leaving rather than have someone else break your heart every day while you stay with them. And remember, the problem is that we want to be loved so badly that we can’t even tell that it does not really love.
It’s incredible how all of us in our current relationships project experiences from the past. Whether it’s being interactions, people’s situations that won’t be through before we start creating that reality again and those insecurities of the past start mirroring our reality today. And we all experience it at different stages of our life.
We Should Control Insecurities.
We all experience insecurities in work, relationships, friendships or even in the family. And when that happens, we let our insecurities completely destroy something amazing. Something that has so much potential, something that is free from all the negativity that we had before but we are still carrying with us. And the truth is if we have insecurities or we have doubts. It’s OK to voice them. It’s just about voicing them in the right way.
When you choose to attack or accuse someone it immediately puts them on the defensive. It scares the other person away, especially when they haven’t done anything wrong. But if we can approach these situations with maturity, being conscious, being aware and discussing them in a proper sense sharing how we feel. Then we allow the other person to come with sensitivity, we allow the other person to help us through this challenge.
For more such articles do visit our official website Fajar Magazine.
