Going through a divorce process is challenging mentally, physically, and economically. But while this process can be painful and difficult, it doesn’t have to be brutal. Here are some tips on how you can educate yourself about the divorce process and learn how to approach it from a more positive place.
1. Take care of your emotional health during this process.
Make sure that you get help with your emotions from a trusted friend, family member, or professional instead of taking them out on your soon-to-be ex.
When you get professional help as well as change the relationship with your soon-to-be ex, you can lessen the emotional impact of the divorce. Try to not see each other as the enemy but as business associates. It will reduce some of the more heated emotions that can arise.
It’s also important to separate your emotions from the more concrete issues that need to be dealt with. Being realistic with expectations, recognizing that divorce isn’t usually “fair” and having the intention of maintaining your personal integrity are all ways to not become too overwhelmed by emotions.
2. Figure out the best way to handle the financial aspects of your divorce.
The biggest impact of divorce over the past 5 years is due to the economy. Couples separate but live together because they can’t afford to live apart. When figuring out how you’re going to divide the finances, it’s best to consult with a lawyer, mediator, or another professional as needed to ensure your financial security.
More divorcing couples are now using mediators instead of duking it out because it saves money on legal fees. Mediation and collaborative law have become a preferred solutions because divorce can be extremely expensive and most mediators can help couples get to a settlement without wasting unnecessary money or time. The court system is currently overburdened, and there’s a movement toward preventing cases from going to trial.
Another way couples can ease the financial burden is to consider cohabitating after separation or divorce. This is a fairly recent trend that was brought about by the challenged economy. Many couples simply can’t afford a second home and are forced to live under the same roof. This is obviously very challenging, but it’s often the only option.
3. Consider co-parenting counseling.
You want to avoid making any sudden or hasty decisions when it comes to your family life. Going to co-parenting counseling so children aren’t damaged from the divorce can be helpful.
Children are understandably the biggest concern for divorcing parents. Learning to co-parent through a divorce has become a normal part of the divorce process instead of only applying to severe cases that involve custody issues.
4. Don’t make your divorce extremely confrontational.
Divorce can bring out the worst in some people. People have a choice about how they want to get through the experience, but they often play out the cliché of what comes to mind for most of us when we think about divorce.
With many couples, the focus is on retaliation, punishing each other, and fighting over finances like two toddlers in a schoolyard. Many people try to work out their emotional turmoil incorrectly through legal negotiations when what they really need, is a ‘Divorce Detox.’
Remember that your divorce is a transition, not a way of life. Get the emotional help and education to navigate the divorce transition in a healthy, adaptive way.
