Sure, social media is responsible for many rekindled friendships and romances, but is this ease of connection all it’s cracked up to be? No, according to new research that shows how Twitter use, in particular, is leading to the demise of relationships — including marriage.
Russell Clayton, the author of The Third Wheel: The Impact of Twitter Use on Relationship Infidelity and Divorce, found out via an online survey that the more often people used Twitter, the more often they experienced conflicts in their romantic relationships — leading to jealousy, infidelity, breakups, and divorce. The length of relationships seemed to have no bearing on the results, either. Long-term couples experienced the same risk factors from Twitter use as their newly-hooked-up counterparts.
This was the second study that Clayton conducted regarding relationships and social media use. In a survey of Facebook users last year, he found a correlation between time spent on the social network and problems in the users’ romantic relationships. When it came to Facebook, though, Clayton determined that the couples most impacted were ones who had just gotten together in the past three years.
Social Media and Divorce
Clayton’s studies are just two of many that have emerged in recent years that have made a connection between social media use and distress in romantic relationships. In 2009, the word “Facebook” was mentioned in one out of every five American divorce filings, and in 2011 the word was in one out of every three divorce filings in the UK.
In recent years, there’s been a steady increase of couples who are facing issues involving social media and its negative impact on their marriages, according to Anita Astley, a marriage therapist and president of the Albany Hudson-Valley Chapter of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy.
Social media definitely contributes to our natural instinct to be envious. “When people are unhappy with their own lives, they look to social media and think that everyone else is happy, which is not always the case,” says Astley.
Don’t Let Social Media Jealousy Drive a Wedge In Your Marriage
Here are three tips from Astley for keeping social media in check:
1. Recognize social media for what it really is.
Social media are “best foot forward” platforms that don’t encourage a dialogue. “You see a person’s photo or post and then move on,” says Astley. “You never have a conversation with that person about the story behind it, or what’s actually happening in his or her life.” When married couples cite the happiness of others on social media as infringing on their own, Astley asks them to remember that sites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram are superficial.
“You can’t get the whole story from social media; it’s a one-way conversation,” says Astley. “We use it as a frame of reference for our own relationships, but that isn’t fair.”
2. Set social media boundaries in your marriage.
Try to come to an agreement with your spouse or partner about what social media sites and activities each is comfortable with. For some couples that means individual Facebook accounts, but having password access to each other’s profiles. For others, it may mean staying away from specific social media sites completely.
3. Walk away from social media…sometimes.
Social media is both a blessing and a curse when it comes to relationships of all kinds. While it can connect family and friends across the globe, it can also lead to isolation within homes.
“People are so quick to post things that they miss the here and now,” says Astley. “Sometimes we just need to set aside the electronics and be together, one-on-one.” For families, it might mean no electronics in the evenings or at the dinner table. For married couples, it might mean no smartphones in the bedroom.
“Look, I’m a realist; social media is here and has a lot of advantages, but we need to figure out how to make it a part of our lives so that it doesn’t take over or replace our in-person connections,” advises Astley.
Remember that while an Instagram picture may be worth 1,000 words, there are still thousands more words you don’t hear.
