How many times have you walked into a social setting and started comparing your body to everyone room? Comparing is one of the many ways that we as women go to war against each other rather than support the people we most need at our side. We all fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. It’s easy to start comparing your body to others when you are feeling insecure about our own body and filled with self- hatred and self-doubt. Here are four things you can do to stop comparing yourself.
Think about what kind of day she is having.
When you walk into a room or social situation instead of immediately checking out what other girls look like or what they are wearing try to imagine what kind of day the other person has had. This prevents you from objectifying other women and you being to see them as people with feelings, fears, struggles and their own set of insecurities. As women, we naturally want to connect. Practice asking your friend or the person you have just met how they are feeling about their day instead of immediately commenting on their hair, outfit or body weight. We focus on thoughts like, “she has a better body than me,” we see the person as an unreal other instead of someone just like us, someone with a body they struggle to like, someone with fears they don’t want anyone else to know.
Work on developing your own self-esteem.
There are literally thousands of resources available at your fingertips to help you work through issues in your past, cultural programming and influences around what may be causing you to struggle with negative self-talk, destructive behaviors and low self-esteem. The journey to your own personal health and happiness is a life-long journey. Consider working with a therapist or reading a book that will help with your specific issues. Along the way, you will find so many amazing people that will support you and encourage you as you heal and grow.
You might need new friends.
This may be a tough one to hear but bottom line is, if your friends are saying or doing things that bring you down, make your feel bad about yourself, influence you to do things that harm yourself or others or are in any way verbally or emotionally abusive, you need to find new friends. As you develop better self-esteem you will see that anyone who brings you down doesn’t have a place in your life. Set clear boundaries; demand that other people treat you with respect and kindness. As it turns out many people will respect your boundaries other won’t. Don’t worry about that just keep working on yourself and trust that new people will show up in your life.
Be of service.
When we are involved in something bigger than ourselves it takes our mind off our own problems and helps us see ourselves as part of a global community. When we focus on serving others we don’t have as much time for negative self-talk, bad friendships and comparison games. Start to care about politics and world affairs. Take some time to read the headlines, get interested in causes that effect you. The more you can start to see yourself as a global citizen the less you will worry about who has a better body.
Comparing yourself to others is a trap you don’t have to fall into if you stay focused on having empathy, working on your own self-esteem, being mindful of your friendships and being of service.
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