Say no to Dowry! is the most sensitive campaign I have witnessed from the last decade. Right after the Ali Zeeshan campaign named Numaish, social media is flooded with millions of posts regarding dowry. Before going into depth let’s first understand what dowry is? and from where did we get this so-called ritual?
A dowry is a transfer of parental property, gifts, property or money upon the marriage of a daughter.Wikipedia
The destruction of this ritual is as old as this ritual is! Parents are being loaned, girls are being rejected/ divorced/depressed for not having a luxurious dowry to be given to their in-laws. This is one of the main cause that people in the sub-continent don’t want to educate their daughters as they are saving money for the dowry of their daughters from the day they were born. and these are just a few examples I quoted on the destruction that dowry made. If we look around ourselves we will definitely find plenty of such cases around us.
Marriage Is A Partnership, Not A Business Deal!
All over the world, marriage is considered to be a contract between two people pledging to live life together. In other words, it’s a partnership between two people who are going to live life together. But the ritual of dowry and demand of six-digit salary from the groom is making it a nasty business deal whose outcomes are not found to be as fruit full as marriage should be!
For Muslims, however, it is a religious contract and the terms are pretty simple. If a man wants to marry a woman, he must seek permission from the girl’s wali(guardian), agree with the set meher and marries her. Really, THAT SIMPLE!
Here are two ahadeeth.
The prophet SAWW said: If there comes to you (to propose marriage to your daughter etc.) a man with whose religious commitment and attitude you are pleased, then marry (your daughter) to him.
And, A woman may be married for four things: her wealth, her lineage, her beauty, and her religious commitment. Seek the one who is religiously-committed, may your hands be rubbed with dust (i.e., may you prosper).
Marriage Of Hazrat Fatima(R.A) with Hazrat Ali(R.A).
The Holy Prophet SAWW told Hazrat Ali(R.A) to go and sell the Armour that was kept aside for Hazrat Fatima(R.A) and give him its sale proceeds. So, Hazrat Ali(R.A), went to the market and sold it. According to various traditions, the Armor was sold at 400 or 480 or 500 dirhams.
When Hazrat Ali(R.A) brought the proceeds of the sale, the Prophet of God SAWW called for Hazrat Abu Bakr(R.A), Hazrat Salmaan Farsi(R.A), and Hazrat Bilal(R.A). He gave some money to them and ordered them to get the basic utility items for Hazrat Fatima(R.A). He then gave some money to Hazrat Asma(R.A) and told her to get some perfume or any other similar substance of fragrance for his daughter. The Prophet SAWW then gave the remaining amount to Hazrat Umme Salma(R.A) for other miscellaneous expenditures. Hazrat Abu Bakr(R.A) says, ‘When I counted that amount, it was 63 Dirhams. With this amount, we bought the following things:
1.One white dress.
2.One big piece of cloth for preparing the headgear.
3. One black towel, made in Khaiber,
4. One mattress, made from the fiber of a date tree,
5. Two cotton mattress, one of goats fleece, and the other was filled with the fiber of date tree,
6. 4 Pillows made of goat’s hide, filled with Azkhar grass,
7. Two pieces of Hajari Mattresses,
8. One manually operated Grinding Mill Stone,
9. One cup made of Pewter,
10. One musk (leather water container),
11. One big tray for washing clothes,
12. One bowl for milk,
13. One water pot,
14. One earthen glass,
15. One woolen curtain,
16. Two earthen goblets,
17. One hide for spreading on the floor,
18. One shroud,
19. One lotah (a multi-purpose vessel).
Because this marriage was based on Spirituality and is still a phenomenal example of a successful marriage. As I write above that marriage is a partnership contract in which two people have to complete each other, respect each other’s role in life. So both of these personalities complete each other by Hazrat Fatima(R.A) was Bringing these simple household utilities and taken the responsibility of home chores and Hazrat Ali(R.A) was declared to take the financial responsibility of his wife. That’s how the partnership goes on, by completing each other, helping each other, and the most important thing is respecting each other.
The Complex Of Extravagant Lifestyle!
The bone of contention in our society is the lust for an extravagant lifestyle! Boys are demanding dowries because they think it is the easiest way to get a luxurious lifestyle. The girls who are demanding groom who earns a six-digit salary are in the hope of leading an extravagant lifestyle in their ease.
This lust for an extravagant lifestyle has brought an unbalance situation in our society. Everyone wants easy money! By taking advantage of being a boy or being a girl who wants to migrate from their class to the upper level, marriage is considered to be the only solution.
Dowry Or Six Digit Salary Is Not The Solution!
Get A Better Lifestyle On Your Own.
The wish for getting a better lifestyle is not wrong! but expecting that someone gift you a better lifestyle is wrong. Whether you be a girl or boy if you want to make your lifestyle better do it on your own. Work hard until you get success.
Where there is a will there is a way
Sadly, in our society marriage is considered the easiest thing to get a better lifestyle. Ironically in some families when teen girls are insisting their parents to buy them expensive goods, their mothers are found to be saying: bought it after your marriage. This culture is toxic! we have to stop it to maintain a healthy balance in our society. Rather than teaching your daughters to take expensive gifts from their husbands teach them to be financially independent to fulfill their own wishes. The same goes for boys rather than expecting a luxurious dowry from in-laws, make your own self enough financially independent that you won’t need anyone to make your lifestyle better.
Normalize Simple Marriages
One of the major nuisance of the expectation of heavy dowry and a six-digit salary is late marriages! Generally, a person starts its careers after graduation, and on average age of the boys/girls at the time of graduation is 22 to 25. After getting graduated at 24, it takes almost 5-7 years to earn a six-digit salary or to gather a luxurious dowry and a handsome amount to be shed like water on the wedding to satisfy the society. Now we can understand that when someone is getting married at the age of 32 has very little ability to become compatible with the other one that results in the incompatibility of the couple and sometimes it ends with divorce. The fact of the matter is that we should encourage and appreciate simple marriages to avoid the problems encountered in late marriages.
Long story short, the key points to eradicate this evil of our society is to expect less and work hard to fulfill your own wishes. The optimal solution of dowry and a six-digit salary culture is just to promote financial independence, simple marriages and to sideline the complex of extravagant lifestyle!
For more articles visit our website Fajar Magazine.
We are sorry that this post was not useful for you!
Let us improve this post!
Tell us how we can improve this post?