If you say you don’t cry…you’re lying (unless you’re a non-crier, I suppose). You can place yourself into at least one of these tear-filled categories.
Maybe you have a good sob every week or haven’t shed a tear in years. Either way, if you’re human, you’ve shed an emotional tear or two. That makes you unique among the world’s species: though other creatures tear up because of physical pain or irritation, we are the only ones whose tears can be triggered by their emotions.
1. The Ugly Crier
Nobody is ever really sure why this type of crier is crying but it sure is evident that they are. Their makeup is everywhere, their eyes can barely open, their face is all scrunched up and puffy, there are boogers everywhere and whatever they’re attempting to say is completely inaudible. The best you can do is give this big ball of tears some space and come back in an hour.
2. The Movie Crier
This bawler takes it upon themselves to watch all the Nicholas Sparks movies with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s when they need a good cry. “Old Yeller,” “The Notebook” (duh), “Up,” “The Boy in the Stripped Pajamas,” “The Fault in Our Stars,” you name it, they’ve cried during it. Hell, they probably even cried during “Transformers” or like…”Kung Fu Panda.” Don’t ever leave them alone with Lifetime on TV or a children’s Pixar movie.
3. The Hungry Crier
The Hungry Crier is the one who waits all day to eat, is starving and wants to order Chinese food at 3 a.m. These weepers cry from the moment they hang up the phone after placing the order until the minute the delivery guy shows up at their door. And then, once they begin eating, they cry about how good the food is and how happy they are that it’s finally in their mouth. They finish by crying tears of joy about how “that was the best thing they’ve ever eaten.”
4. The “I’m Just Emotional, Okay?” Crier
Usually, it’s assumed that these blubberers are so emotional because they’re on their period. “But I’m not just crying because I’m on my period, OK?! I’m allowed to be emotional and not be menstruating, jeez!” (This isn’t the category I fall into or anything.) This group is home to the people who cry. about. everything. (And it’s even worse when they’re on their period.) Military homecomings? Yup. Seeing homeless people on the streets? Of course. Looking through high school yearbooks? Hahaha… yeah. Walgreens commercials? Mhmm. I’m just emotional, OK?
5. The Stressed Out Crier
When you’ve had it up to here with homework, deadlines, tests and meetings and you’re in the middle of a public place and just lose it. Someone tries to ask you what’s wrong and only three words come out: “I’m just stressed.” You’ve been trying to hold back the tears all week, but it’s been stuck in your throat and everything is out of your control at this point and you just need to let it out because you’re stressed as hell and you don’t know what else to do. (Me every day of my life… very, very common with college kids.)
