February 14th is rapidly approaching and here you are—still single. Why does Valentine’s Day strike fear or anxiety into the hearts of so many? The answer is, it shouldn’t. After speaking with two love experts, we realized that Valentine’s Day should not be viewed as a looming day of self-pity, but rather an exciting day of opportunities: opportunities for love, activities, bonding, new experiences, and some quality introspection. There are a million reasons to love being single on Valentine’s Day. We’ve listed five.
Opportunity #1: Valentine’s Day Breaks the Ice
Dr. Judith Swack, the relationship expert for the Boston Center for Adult Education, claims it’s good to be single on Valentine’s Day if you want to find somebody. She explains that men feel Valentine’s Day gives them license to ask people out. “Valentine’s Day breaks down barriers and opens up a welcoming feeling to do that,” says Dr. Swack, a therapist, and the developer of Healing From the Body Level Up, a holistic psychotherapy system integrating biomedical science and psychology.
How you see the holiday depends on where you are at in your life. A national survey polling Americans about Valentine’s Day found that, “Singles who are looking for a relationship said they love Valentine’s Day more than singles that aren’t looking.”
Opportunity #2: Valentine’s Day Events
As Valentine’s Day season sweeps in, tons of venues, organizations, or other groups seize the opportunity for themed events. Many sororities or clubs at universities, for instance, will have organized formal dances centered on Valentine’s Day. Needing a date to the dance is the perfect opportunity to break the ice between you and that cute guy you’ve had your eye on! Needing a date for an event where everyone brings dates eliminates awkwardness.
Not in college? Not to worry! There are countless activities in cities near you geared towards singles. Do a quick Google search and you’re bound to find an event to attend on or around Valentine’s Day. Dr. Swack advises, “If you want to meet people, go places alone.” While this may be daunting for some, it makes sense.
If someone wants to initiate conversation with you, breaking up a conversation between you and your friend to do so is awkward and intimidating. And if you are alone and make yourself appear approachable by smiling, people are more likely to approach you. If going solo isn’t your thing, Valentine’s Day opens up yet another opportunity to be surrounded by friends….
Opportunity #3: Valentine’s Day Bonding
Jennifer Kelman, LMSW, certified professional coach and an expert on Pearl.com, an online expert advice site, says you shouldn’t fear going out with single girl friends. She strongly suggests that if you feel comfortable going out, then “actually go out…. Use this as a time to connect with other strong females or male friends that may not even be your date.” She reminds us, “There is no shame in being single. It’s just a status. There’s no commentary on who you are as a person in the world or what you’ve given.” Both Kelman and Swack advise doing something fun and nurturing to celebrate that you are loved.
Opportunity #4: Seize the Valentine’s Day
“Don’t put anything on the back burner,” says Kelman. While we should try our best to carpe diem all days, we can utilize Valentine’s Day as a reminder to go out and do activities we want to do. If there is any activity you’ve been wanting to do, do it today!
You have your own bucket list to make a reality, so you can’t wait around for certain people do complete it. Rock climbing, bungee jumping, having a Lord of the Rings marathon, going to Hawaii…the possibilities are endless.
Being single should never prevent you from doing the things you love. Kelman implores women to not allow their single-hood to hold them back from doing activities they may feel are “better” for couples.
Opportunity #5: Fall In Love With Yourself
Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to engage in some self-love. This can start with what Kelman refers to as a “check-in.” She encourages you to ask yourself, “Am I living my life irrespective of what my relationship status is?” She believes that “women always need to dig deep and find their own power,” because too often women slip into the self-deprecating cycle of defining themselves by their relationship status.
Just as frequently, when women are in relationships they often tend to lose their identity to the other person.
Knowing and loving yourself as an individual helps prevent this identity erosion in the future. Dr. Swack adds that developing and strengthening your individual identity will hopefully make for a relationship of equals down the line. She states, “In order to make a healthy relationship, you have to be healthy and grown up yourself.”
Doing anything nurturing and special for yourself is an excellent idea for solo Valentine’s Day—or any day—activities: take a hot bath, read a romance novel, watch a favorite TV show—whatever puts a smile on your face and fills your heart with love and gratitude.
