Parenting teenagers represents a shift in everything parents have known in the past. Communicating expectations with teens, while still allowing them to exercise some independence, is a slippery slope for many parents.
So what can parents do to guide their teens toward adulthood, but still be effective parents?
1- Have reasonable expectations.
GalTime parenting expert Barbara Greenberg Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist who encourages parents to set age-appropriate standards for guiding, disciplining and forgiving their teens. “It’s important to remember that our teens aren’t grown-ups so that we don’t have unrealistic expectations,” she said. “They are still learning about dealing with peer pressure, sexuality and how to handle emotions.” She adds that when teens make inevitable mistakes, parents should be ready to forgive them.
2- Coach your kids.
When teens come to parents for advice, it can be easy to give orders instead of letting the teen do the deciding. Our own Robyn Silverman, Ph.D., a child and teen development specialist and public speaker, says that parents can help build their teens’ confidence and decision-making skills by asking the right questions. “Think of yourself as a coach, not someone who hands out advice,” she said. “When your teens come to you, ask the right questions. Instead of telling them what they should do, shift to the listening role and let them think critically.”
3- Be honest.
Do not avoid sensitive topics because they make you feel uncomfortable and you assume your teen already knows about them. Instead, acknowledge the tension but provide the information. “Just be direct if you are uneasy about something,” says Dr. Silverman. “Let your teen know that you want him or her to get the right information and that you want it to come from you, even if it is an uncomfortable conversation.”
4- Think like a teen.
It may seem like eons since you experienced your own teenage angst and confusion but try to rewind your mind on occasion to that time in order to better understand your kids. “Teens are more impulsive than they will be when they become older and have both a fully developed brain and the benefit of years of experience,” according to Dr. Greenberg. Even if you do not always agree with your teens, try to understand their viewpoint.
5- Keep on parenting.
Many teenagers seek independence as they get older and parents must find a way to nurture that instinct while still guiding their kids. Dr. Greenberg says, “Don’t make assumptions that they understand all issues. Ask them what they do and don’t know before falsely assuming that they are fully informed.”
Above all, remember that the years between childhood and adulthood are a tricky time for teens. too. “Try to be patient and listen to them. They are still trying to figure things out,” says Dr. Greenberg. “Allow them to make mistakes and forgive them. They will be very appreciative.”
