Grandparents can be a tremendous source of love, encouragement, and happiness for children. It often acts as the essential “glue” that bonds the family together. Many also provide relief for stressed-out parents. Whether or not grandparents live with you, differences of opinion in how you want your children cared for are bound to arise. Parents can have clashes with their parents or in-laws on rules regarding safety, treats, bedtimes, or curfews for older children. Here are steps parents can take to create a unified front that will benefit everyone in the family:
1. Pay attention to how your parents are holding up.
Watch for signs that you may need to lighten the load. Many children look forward to quality time with their grandparents. And most of the time, busy parents are happy for the help. However, it’s key to make sure you’re not overloading or exhausting grandparents, who may start to feel more like babysitters than members of the family.
Has Grandpa sacrificed making several tee times at the golf course to drive your child to school? Is grandma watching more children’s television shows with her granddaughter than seeing the latest movies? Don’t take advantage of a good thing by overburdening grandparents. Spend time reviewing everyone’s schedules. And communicating with all parties to ensure the time spent with grandchildren is not starting to feel like an obligation to them.
2. Listen attentively to what a grandparent has to say or wants to tell you about your children.
Naturally, grandparents (who certainly do have more parenting experience) want what’s best for their grandchildren, just as parents do. But, differing parenting styles can come to a head, especially if adult parents choose to uphold certain rules that weren’t status quo when they were growing up.
When a grandparent comes to you with a suggestion like, “I noticed Corey has trouble sharing; he should be put in time out,” it can feel more like criticism of your parenting skills than a suggestion. Do admit when you are wrong and a grandparent is correct about something pertaining to your children, but unless your child’s safety or well-being is at stake, don’t be afraid to stand by your parenting philosophy. Try saying something like this: “Thank you for bringing this up to me. But, I prefer to handle Corey’s behavior in my own way.”
3. Acknowledge grandparents’ efforts, both large and small.
Speak favorably about grandparents in front of your children. One way to avoid a clash with your parents or in-laws is to pay attention to and comment on the things you appreciate that they do. This acknowledgment of the support grandparents provide cultivates a loving. Also understanding the environment, and reinforces to your children how much their grandparents add to the family.
4. Don’t be jealous of the time grandparents and grandchildren spend together.
Often, children have a special and fun relationship with their grandparents. One that leaves a parent feeling more like the person who has to discipline, or the person on the sidelines. Yet, having grandparents to teach your children new skills or awaken passions or set new goals can help nurture your children’s relationship with you as well.
