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Find a Therapist You Click With Key Questions to Ask

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Realizing that you need therapy is the first big step toward managing or resolving a mental health issue, but finding just the right therapist can take time. Whether you’re looking for a therapist for yourself, your child or teen, or other loved one, your search will probably start with a referral—from your doctor, friends, relatives, a school counselor, or your local office of the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI). But even after you’ve gotten a name, checked the therapist’s credentials and training,  you’re still not guaranteed the right “fit.”

The only way to determine that is to start talking. “Schedule a session with the therapist, but don’t feel that because you went to see that person that you’re locked in for life,” says Ken Duckworth, M.D., medical director of NAMI. “People change contractors. Students drop and add classes in college. You can change therapists if you don’t feel comfortable with someone or aren’t getting the help you need.”

Seven Questions to Ask Your Therapist

To help you make the right decision, here are seven questions to ask the therapist in that first session, and four questions to ask yourself that can help you determine if you and your therapist are a good match.

1) Do you have experience treating my problem?

If the answer is no, consider finding another expert who has treated people with your condition. If the answer is yes, take your question a step further: Have your patients been able to return to school or work, if they had had to leave? Have they maintained social relationships? Are they married?

2) How would you work with a person like me?

What can I expect during therapy? “You want someone who can help you learn patterns to recognize your problem better so you can get on top of it quicker,” says Dr. Duckworth. “The focus of therapy should be on building your strengths and minimizing your disability.”

3) What is the evidence that the treatment you are recommending works?

“If the problem is depression and the suggested treatment is cognitive behavior therapy, there is a lot of good evidence that that can be an effective treatment for depression,” says Dr. Duckworth. If a treatment is experimental, not well-studied, or has been shown to be ineffective in the past, get another opinion.

4) Do you consult with other experts during treatment?

“For example, if the therapist is not a psychiatrist, is he willing to consult with a psychiatrist if you need medication for your problem?” says Dr. Duckworth.

5) Who can I contact in the off hours if I need to speak to someone?

Some therapists will share their cell phone or email address for emergencies.

6) Will my insurance cover my treatment?

Therapists in private practice can charge upwards of $100 per 45-minute session. Psychiatrists may charge more than psychologists and social workers. If the therapist doesn’t accept your insurance and can’t accommodate a sliding scale fee, consider seeking an in-network provider or pursuing a lower cost alternative, like counseling from a student training program or community mental health center.

7) How long do you think treatment will take?

Treatment length can be difficult to predict, but the therapist should be able to give you some sense of how long you will need counseling. “Some people stop therapy after one session for reasons that aren’t always clear, but among people who get engaged in the process of therapy, the average number of sessions is about eight,” says Dr. Duckworth. Sometimes problems are easier to treat than others, however, and people with certain conditions may need lifelong help. “Some mental illnesses wax and wane throughout life,” Dr. Duckworth says.

Four Questions to Ask Yourself

  • Is the therapist listening to me more than talking?. If so, decide whether the listening approach is helping, or whether you’d like more of an exchange.
  • Does the therapist reflect back what I’ve expressed correctly? “If you sense a gap between what you are saying and what the therapist seems to understand. Say so,” suggests Lloyd Sederer, M.D., author of The Family Guide to Mental Health Care. “You want to know sooner rather than later if there is a communication gap that exists. And if so, if it can be worked out.”
  • Do I feel comfortable talking to this therapist?. If you don’t feel you can talk freely to your therapist, you may not get the help you need. “Follow your instincts,” says Dr. Duckworth. “If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t.”
  • Is the therapist optimistic about my chances for success?. “A good therapist helps you solve your problems, but doesn’t solve them for you,” says Dr. Sederer. “You want to work with a therapist who relates to you, understands what you are saying. But also someone who is hopeful, who believes something can be done. If you find a therapist like that, that’s someone you may want to stick with.”

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